An Open Letter to Nervous Brides

Dear Bride, Like most brides, the feelings of anxiety and stress creep up so easily when we realize we have only xx number of days left before unfolds the event we’ve been planning for months. In the words of a bride to-be:

When I said yes to him, I didn’t imagine the emotional turmoil that would follow—or maybe I did. Having burnt food several times, yesterday I added too much salt to the vegetable; today I burnt fish while frying and the turkey’s half-done! I’m not the first to wake up anymore and I can’t remember my prayer points. I knew I didn’t have to worry about losing weight, the anxiousness for the day would see to that.

A woman spends most of her time at the place she is married to, as Allah has rightly said,

…and among His signs is this, that He created for you mates, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and has put between you love and mercy. [Surat Al-Rum, 30: 21]

This place comes to be known as her home. A lot of preparation goes into her leaving the home of her origins to get ready for married life. Even when we take up tasks that are completely minimal, nerves come into play.

Nerves are Completely Okay

Besides the physical preparations, the emotional or psychological nature of women comes into play, just as the Prophet has described women as fragile vessels. More than 50% of brides agreed that nervousness affected their daily lives prior to the day, or hampered their performance and enjoyment during the day itself. Nikah anxiety setting in? Combat the nerves and allow yourself to revel in the process. Be relaxed. If it turns out right for other people, it will turn out right for you, too. And do find rest in the promise of Allah,

Verily, in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest. [Surat Al-Ra‘d, 13: 28]

So how do you help yourself with this anxiousness?

BREATHE…BELIEVE…VISUALIZE (B-B-V)

BREATHE

It is not called the Big Day without reason. It is the start of something enormous, with no turning back. So before your nikah, when you start feeling your nerves getting short, take a deep breath—this exercise is a natural tranquilizer for the nervous system. It would also help to be in the presence of those you love and adore, to share your worries and anxieties with them. Laughing is the best medicine, and this is the perfect occasion to test it. So take some time off, relax and laugh with your friends. Have some fun, coupled with the release of endorphins (positive-feeling hormones); you will wonder what you were getting stressed for. Make time out to go for a walk for at least 30 minutes every day leading up to your nikah. It will make you feel more relaxed and energized to face the challenges of the upcoming day and beyond. Read something that is non-wedding material. Reading can be a wonderful escape from the stress of planning your wedding. Simply by opening a book, you allow yourself to be invited into a world that distracts you from thinking about your day. Reading also relaxes your body by lowering your heart rate and easing the tension in your muscles. Research has found that reading can reduce stress by up to 68%.

BELIEVE AND VISUALIZE

Confidence is another attribute that is core to experiencing a happy day and a happy marriage afterwards. If you cannot envision a happy event, how can you expect to experience it? We all know that by being relaxed and confident, we can avoid and manage stressful situations with greater ease; but you need to truly imagine yourself doing it for real success. Lastly, following these tips would really help:

• Don’t sweat the small stuff. Keeping a sense of perspective will help you relax and enjoy the process.
• Do not take on more than you can bear, take on only your own problems, your details for the day.
• Organisation is your friend even if you are the type who has never made a list.
• Talk to your parents if you are an only child; it might help to have your friends close by, or at least go out and talk to friends every day.
• If you have siblings, appeal to them to relieve you of some of your usual duties. Lesser tasks would mean lesser stress.
• Ensure that any last-minute details are either sorted out before the day or have been delegated to someone else.
• Lastly, reflect on the du’a’ of Prophet Musa:

O my Lord! Open for me my chest (grant me self-confidence, contentment, and boldness). And ease my task for me. [Surat Ta Ha, 20:25-26].

Remember to revel in the days before the wedding: Do the things that you are told you won’t really have time to do after your marriage, whatever that is, activities that fit into your lifestyle. Remember that whatever happens is a small glitch in the grand scheme of celebrating a life together with your spouse. Sincerely looking forward to the day myself, Bride-to-be, Aminat.