Summary
The article presents a heartfelt account from a Muslim teenager struggling between faith and a romantic relationship, highlighting identity, family expectations, religious commitment, emotional conflict, and the search for guidance.
I AM 16. My name is not important. I believe with all my heart and all my soul in Allah: That He is One. That He created all that is. That He controls all that will be. That He will raise me up with all other people after I die to judge me. That He has made Heaven for the good and Hell for the bad.
I believe and love Muhammad as my Prophet, and the last of Allah’s messengers to all the world. I believe that Allah revealed the Quran to him through the Angel Gabriel. I believe that Satan is a real being that is evil and against us.
I do not pray Salah. I do not know how. I know the Fatihah. I know Qul huwa Allahu ahad. My mother taught them to me. But I can’t read the Quran. I don’t read Arabic. My parents don’t pray Salah. They fast Ramadan. They don’t go to the Friday Salah. I don’t fast. My cousins who are my close friends sometimes fast. But mostly we don’t.
I go to a public high school. I am involved in sports. I have many close non-Muslim friends. I like them because they are so dedicated to me. They are fun to be with and good people. I go to their houses. I know their families very well. They like me and trust me, and I like them. They know I am a Muslim. They know I don’t eat pork. They respect it. When I eat in their homes, they make me only foods I can eat. They are generous to me.
I have cousins of mine who also are my close friends and Muslims. None of us eat pork. But we sometimes do other things that we know we should not. We drink some Friday nights at parties with our friends. Some of us smoke. I don’t. Most of us have girlfriends, and that’s what I wanted to talk about.
These girls are not bad girls. Actually, they are very good. They’re Americans, non-Muslims. My girlfriend stopped eating pork when I explained why we don’t eat it. She quit smoking, mostly, when I told her I didn’t like it. She listens to me very obediently. We have been together now for seven months. I really love her. And this is what I’m writing about.
I spend almost all my free time with her now. I am so happy when I am with her. We talk and talk about so many things, about what we hope for, about the scary things in our world, about religion—a lot about religion. I don’t think I have ever talked this much about my religion with anyone. She is very open to it. I’ve spoken with her a lot about Jesus, about how he is not God but a prophet of God. She has really seen through our talks how the Trinity makes no sense, cannot be true. She told me this. That she sees that there can only be one God.
I don’t know how to say this, but we also are very close. I mean, we come together, physically, a lot. Not everything, because I believe that is something that a girl should keep for her marriage. My cousins do not draw this line with their girlfriends.
Every night I walk home from her house. On the way, I pass through a factory area and railroad tracks where there aren’t any houses nearby. As soon as I reach that place, I start talking out loud to God, every night. I say, O Allah, I know it is wrong to be with her, but it feels so right. I am not using her. I love her. And she loves me.
My parents would never accept an “American” girl. All my cousins’ parents and mine, at least our mothers, they know the girls like us, and they know we are hanging out with them. But they never allow for us to bring them home, to meet them. They want us to marry Arab girls. This is strange to our girlfriends, and their parents, who accept us. It makes it awkward sometimes. It’s a very hard thing to explain. They accept you, but your parents don’t accept their daughter.
I don’t know what to do or where this will end up. My heart aches when I am away from my girlfriend and to think of leaving her or losing her. I started to talk about this with one of the good Muslims at school. He eventually got me to talk with this older guy who is like a shaykh. I was hesitant at first, but I was surprised to find that he grew up here, and he’s very religious. He seems to understand where I’m coming from, my feelings. I cried the first time we spoke. In fact, I’ve cried a lot. Because I really believe in my religion. And I really love my girlfriend. She is so good, really.
I don’t know how I’m going to handle this, but he asked me to start writing about it. He said it would be good for me and others. So here it is.
Frequently Asked Question
Answering the most relevant questions to help you better understand the article.
The writer affirms strong belief in Allah, the Day of Judgment, Prophet Muhammad ﷺ, the Quran, angels, and Satan, expressing sincere faith despite shortcomings in religious practice.
The writer admits he does not perform Salah, cannot read Arabic, does not read the Quran, and generally does not fast Ramadan despite identifying strongly as a Muslim.
The writer describes his non-Muslim friends as loyal, respectful, generous people who accommodate his dietary restrictions, value their friendship, and treat him with acceptance and understanding.
The writer describes his girlfriend as kind, respectful, and receptive to discussions about religion, noting that she stopped eating pork and reduced smoking after conversations with him.
The couple frequently discussed religion, allowing the writer to explain Islamic beliefs about God and Jesus, conversations that deeply influenced his girlfriend’s understanding of monotheism.
The writer feels torn between sincere commitment to Islam and deep love for his girlfriend, experiencing emotional pain because he believes their relationship conflicts with religious teachings.
While walking home alone each night, the writer openly speaks to Allah, expressing confusion, guilt, love, and emotional struggle regarding his relationship and religious convictions.
The writer believes his parents would never accept an American non-Muslim girl, creating tension because his girlfriend’s family welcomes him while his family avoids such relationships.
After discussing his struggles with a practicing Muslim student, the writer met an older religious mentor who listened compassionately and encouraged him to write about experiences.
The mentor encouraged writing as a way to process emotions, understand personal struggles, and potentially help others facing similar challenges involving faith, family, and relationships.
6 Comments
marry her.
First, try to get her to revert to Islam at her own pace and with understanding/efforts. Then, marry her and both of you dedicate your marital life to Islam so that you can bring up righteous children. May Allah guide you as you are trying to do the right things He commanded and being pulled by this world from the other side, which is a reflection of the society you live in. In sha Allah (SWT), I will pray for you.
Assalamualaikum Wa rahmatullahi Wa barakathu !!
Hope this finds you in good health and also mind set. For a few days you stop thinking about your girl friend, do meet her but thought of marrying her can be postponed till you attain the normal age limit to get married.
The fellow who replied you by saying ” marry her ” He is a fool to write like that. You just ignore that reply.
You are from arab world and you are a muslim basically. now listen to me carefully. You start abaiding to our religious
parctices. You are a born muslim and there is no escape for you to dodge the principles of Islam and be practical in conducting Sunnha of our prophet (Sollellahu alahi Wa sallam ) in toto. After becoming a practicing muslim and you complete your studies and become atleast a graduale in any field. Now since you have become matured muslaim, think of getting married to your girl friend to whom you like most. Before marriage let her revert to Islam. If she likes on her own it is well and good, other wise be patient and start reaching her the main principles of Isla and give her some good books of good authors, let her read them and let her know what Islam is. In the mean time you try to convince your parents and her parents about your proposal. Aall these things should be in a congenial atmosphere and the meetings should be carried on in a very sophisticated manner.
I think this is enough for you to assimilate at this moment and later I shall keep posting if you have some questions.
With warm regards,
Muhammad Shakir Hussain.
I love you kid. :)
Assalamualaikum. I am surprised to see the answers here. Everyone is bent on reverting the girl to Islam before marrying her.
Firstly, the boy himself has a lot of issues to correct. No one has addressed that!! He needs to learn to do his Fardh(obligatory) salah, needs to learn to fast during Ramadan and also needs to know his limits when with the opposite gender. He should not drink because that has been forbidden in Islam.
Secondly, the Quran allows marriage for muslim men with women of Christian or Judaism faith. But of course this is not allowed for Muslim women.
The boy is confused. His friends and their families are good to him, accept him & go out of their way to accommodate him. But his family is not able to do the same. Even though they know that boys hang out with American girls, they can’t allow her/them into their homes!! And they finally want the boy to get married to arab girls only!! Is that fair on the arab girls?? Does Islam give rules & restrictions only for girls? If you read the Quran you would know it as otherwise.
Yes he needs to concentrate on studies, try to get a job etc before he takes the step to marriage and
he also needs to take steps to learn & live Islam.
May Allah guide him and us, aameen.
You see all this confusion? This is why the Qur’an was sent as a guidance. Why the attraction between the sexes do not mingle freely. Signed AMG (American Muslim Girl)