DO YOU MISS your parent? I imagine you do. It could be as simple as a smile, a hug or the special way they did something that made you feel so special. Losing a parent is really hard, no matter what age you are.
But as an adult, it can be easier to cope with because adults often have extended family to provide some extra support such as a wife, husband, kids, friends, etc.
However, when you are younger, that is not always the case and you can feel really alone.
You will be sad for a long time. Little things will spark strong feelings of grief at the most unexpected times; sometimes it may sneak up and even surprise you. It is good to let out your emotions, and talk about your grief with someone who understands. However, if you feel like there is no one who truly understands how you are feeling, write it down, make a documentary…. do something to give yourself a positive outlet.
The fact is, those strong emotions —even if you think you can push them away— will return. Another thing, never think that venting your feelings means that you will be done with it once and for all; those feelings will always be there, but later on in life, not as strong and more controllable.
Many kids experience a true feeling of loneliness: first when they lose their parent, then having to deal with growing up without a Mom or Dad.
Moms and Dads provide a special kind of love and caring that nothing else can compete with; this will be something you will always long for.
But that does not mean that those feelings are done and over with. Although you have suffered a loss, you still have those precious memories of that love to thrive on and carry you into adulthood.
Often we wish we could just turn back time and put everything back just the way it once was. Unfortunately, this will never happen.
We need to accept that this is the Qadar (fate) of our parent and also accept our own fate. ‘What ifs’ and ‘Whys’ are not a part of our Din; everything happens for a reason and everything in our lives was “written down” before we were even born. “The pen has been lifted and the ink has dried.”
You may be envious of other kids and their day-to-day relationship with their parents; you may hate to hear about it; you may even avoid certain events because of it. There is nothing that can hit your heart harder than social functions –seeing other kids interacting with their parents and leaving you feeling alone and awkward.
But do not become jealous of what others have; rather, be thankful for the experience you have had. The love that your parent gave you was a gift and a blessing from your Creator, something that not everyone was given. Some kids get thrown in dumpsters—but you were held, kissed and loved. Be sad for children who never had a loving parent and will never, ever, have affectionate memories about their childhood.
Do not be angry with Allah, or question Him. Allah knows what is best for us, even though many times we will not see the light at the end of the tunnel. He has assured us that His promise is real and that it is there waiting for us. But we have to make the right choices in this life and keep our Iman (faith) strong. We have to have patience and struggle forward— even in the saddest, most difficult times.
How to Handle It
I will be honest with you; there is no easy way to handle the loss of a parent. But, there are things you can do to help ease some of the pain.
- You can ask Allah to help you and guide you through this time in your life.
- You can spend extra time in salah and reading Qur’an…it really does help.
- You will always have an ache in your heart for your loss, but do not let it cloud your view of sunnier days that await you.
- Live up to the expectations of your parent by becoming a conscientious and considerate Muslim in this world.
- Above all, make a lot of duʿâ’—for them and for yourself.
- Make duʿâ’ that one day you will see them again in a place where pain and sorrow will be replaced with eternal happiness and lighthearted joy forever—make duʿâ’ for that every day, five times a day.
And, with all of my heart, I make duʿâ’ that your duʿâ’ will be answered.