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    Why You Should Keep a Few Close Friends

    Omar Abdl-HaleemBy 5 Mins Read
    islamic record

    Summary

    This article, translated from Imam Ibn al-Jawzi's Sayd al-Khatir, advises believers to distinguish between acquaintances and true friends. It emphasizes choosing righteous, trustworthy companions, avoiding envy and harmful relationships, and safeguarding one's heart through wisdom and discretion.

    SECLUSION FROM PEOPLE brings a pleasant life. Still, one must mix with people. So be cautious with enemies, for they may plot against you and destroy you. Yet be good to those who are bad to you, using privacy as an aid in your affairs.

    Let most people be to you as acquaintances, then, but be not so with friends, for the existence of a friend—that is the rarest thing to come by, and this is so because a friend must be your equal; for if you befriend some random person from the throngs of the unenlightened, he will not benefit you because of the low caliber of his character and his lack of education and manners. And if you befriend someone of your own station, he will likely envy you, the indications of which you will glean from his actions and words, if you are keen.

    Yet had We so willed, We would have shown them to you manifestly, so that you would recognize them by their indelible mark—or so that you would clearly recognize them by their permanently twisted speech. For Allah knows the deeds of all of you (Sûrat Mu ḥammad, 47:30).

    So if you want to live a good life, then keep away from the envier, for if you do not, inevitably he will see your blessings and, perhaps, strike them down with an evil eye. Should you find, however, that you have no choice but to deal with him, then neither share your secrets with him nor seek his counsel; nor be deluded by his kindness to you or by what he shows by way of religiousness and worshipfulness, for, indeed, the impulse of envy overpowers the inclination of religion in most. Oh yes, and remember well how envy drove Cane (Qâbîl) to kill Abel (Hâbîl), and how the brothers of Yûsuf (A.S) (Joseph) discarded him in the well, wherefore he was sold into slavery for a paltry price. Remember how Abû ʿÂmir, “The Monk,” was worshipful and mild-mannered in Yathrib (Madinah), and how ʿAbdullah ibn ʿUbay was a leader there of his people. Then envy drove both to hypocrisy and off the right path when the Prophet ﷺ came to Madinah. But should you find that someone envies you, do not ask Allah to punish him, for already he is in terrible and unremitting calamity from which he shall not be relieved, unless your blessing is stripped from you. Moreover, with every increase of your blessing, your envier descends further into torture, such that he knows no peace in his life. Indeed, the life of those in the Garden of Paradise itself would be joyless were it not for the fact that Allah shall strip away the feelings of envy and malice from the hearts of its inhabitants.

    Frequently Asked Question

    Answering the most relevant questions to help you better understand the article.

    The article explains that while interacting with people is necessary, true friendship should be reserved for a select few who are trustworthy, righteous, and beneficial. It encourages wisdom in choosing close companions.
    The article advises treating most people as acquaintances while recognizing that genuine friends are rare. A true friend should possess good character, sound judgment, and qualities that contribute positively to one’s life.
    The article explains that genuine friendship requires compatibility, trust, sincerity, and freedom from jealousy. Many relationships fail to meet these standards because envy or poor character eventually damages them.
    The article teaches that envy is a destructive trait that can lead people to resent and even harm those who receive Allah’s blessings. Believers are encouraged to be cautious around those who display signs of jealousy.
    The article refers to Qabil’s killing of Habil, the brothers of Prophet Yusuf عليه السلام casting him into a well, and individuals whose envy led them away from righteousness, illustrating the destructive consequences of jealousy.
    The article advises believers not to reveal personal secrets, seek advice, or become overly trusting of someone known to be envious, even if that person outwardly appears kind or religious.
    No. The article explains that the envious person is already suffering because envy itself causes continual inner distress. Instead of praying for their punishment, believers should recognize the misery that envy brings upon its possessor.
    The article encourages believers to exercise discretion in their personal affairs. Keeping certain matters private helps protect one’s blessings from envy and reduces unnecessary exposure to harm.

    The article encourages Muslims to build friendships with people of integrity, maintain healthy boundaries with others, avoid sharing personal matters indiscriminately, and remain aware of the harmful effects of envy.

    The article concludes that a peaceful and secure life comes from wisely choosing close friends, treating most people as acquaintances, guarding one’s blessings with discretion, and avoiding the destructive influence of envy.

    Omar Abdl-Haleem is a fourth generation Muslim in America. He has a BA from Al-Azhar University in Usul Al-Din, specializing in Hadith, and was about to finish his Master’s Degree from Al-Azhar in Hadith, when he had to leave Egypt for safety reasons in the fall of 2013. He has translated most of Ibn Al-Jawzi’s book: Sayd Al-Khatir into English, which he intends to complete (some episodes of Omar’s translation of this book have appeared in Aljumuah Website). He is also working on a Hadith book for English speakers that explains and teaches Mustalah Al-Hadith (Hadith Terminology) in common terms. His Arabic is native, having studied in Egypt since he was 14, and then full time after completion of High School in the US. He is invaluable for AlJumuah in accessing scholarly texts. He intends to complete his graduate studies in Hadith.

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    14 Comments

    6. Jannah Alfirdaus on

      This is just spot on!! Only the experienced can truly relate…I believe such things can’t be learnt by just reading…sometimes your innocence an unquestionable trust in those who show u kindness and appear good outwardly then betray u or are just happy to see u fall will teach u life lessons no one else can..then u learn how to spot signs of those who envy from experience with the way they tongue slip in speech and their eyes and facial expressions cannot hide everything all the time

      Reply
    7. Jannah Alfirdaus on

      This is just spot on!! Only the experienced can truly relate…I believe such things can’t be learnt by just reading…sometimes your innocence an unquestionable trust in those who show u kindness and appear good outwardly then betray u or are just happy to see u fall will teach u life lessons no one else can..then u learn how to spot signs of those who envy from experience with the way they tongue slip in speech and their eyes and facial expressions cannot hide everything all the time

      Reply
    8. Jannah Alfirdaus on

      This is just spot on!! Only the experienced can truly relate…I believe such things can’t be learnt by just reading…sometimes your innocence an unquestionable trust in those who show u kindness and appear good outwardly then betray u or are just happy to see u fall will teach u life lessons no one else can..then u learn how to spot signs of those who envy from experience with the way they tongue slip in speech and their eyes and facial expressions cannot hide everything all the time

      Reply
    9. Jannah Alfirdaus on

      This is just spot on!! Only the experienced can truly relate…I believe such things can’t be learnt by just reading…sometimes your innocence an unquestionable trust in those who show u kindness and appear good outwardly then betray u or are just happy to see u fall will teach u life lessons no one else can..then u learn how to spot signs of those who envy from experience with the way they tongue slip in speech and their eyes and facial expressions cannot hide everything all the time

      Reply
    10. Sajida Sacranie on

      Wow so true. Through life’s experience I have got to see people for who they really are,even those who you thought were good friends have shown their true nature.Alhamdulillah for those few close friends who are close to the heart ALLAHU BAREEK LAKUM.AMEEN

      Reply
    11. Sajida Sacranie on

      Wow so true. Through life’s experience I have got to see people for who they really are,even those who you thought were good friends have shown their true nature.Alhamdulillah for those few close friends who are close to the heart ALLAHU BAREEK LAKUM.AMEEN

      Reply
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